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Post by CALLUM RICE on Mar 26, 2009 17:22:39 GMT -5
DON’T BE SO AMAZING,
[/COLOR] I’LL MISS YOU TOO MUCH.[/COLOR][/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
Really…he couldn’t believe this. Hadn’t everything he’d said…everything he’d done before she’d ever left been enough to convince her he was attached. To her. He stuck through fights—thought he started many of them—he stayed despite her parents obvious hatred for him. He stayed even though their age difference might’ve been enough to get them in trouble. Through all of that he stayed. All of it. He loved her. Wasn’t that enough? Natasha…was a distraction, even though he was having a hard time—mentally—deciding whether or not he really should leave her. There really was no competition though. No matter what decision he made he would still think about Gloria. No matter what. She’d always be a part of everything. No matter how painful that truth might be.
“Yeah!” he exclaimed all too quickly glancing around, looking for his boxer-shorts. “Just a…” Honesty… “A long term one.” That had to make sense right? He was being fair…right? He really didn’t think she was ever coming back. Duh. If you’d gone to someone’s funeral the chances of them showing up at your door the next day were about a million to one. “You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have…found someone else. If I had died.” It was kinda lonely without her standing across the room from him, much less with her seemingly dead. There was no way he would’ve lasted, much less lived, the rest of his life alone. Successfully. Without Natasha he could’ve easily followed close behind her.
“Did you expect me to…have someone different every night?” Now he was reasoning with her, despite how ridiculous it sounded. Cal found his boxers and held a hand out to them looking back at her, “Would it have been better if I didn’t even know their names?” Now he was being kind of harsh… As soon as the fabric hit his hands he immediately worked them up his legs and stood up on the other side of the bed, watching her from across the room. “It is a big deal.” He frowned, his eyes never once leaving her. “But…you can’t be like this. This…it isn’t fair.” He didn’t even stand a shot in hell. How was he suppose to know she’d be coming right on back?
“I never forgot you,” Cal walked around the side of the bed and folded his arms over his chest, standing a few feet away from her, “Trust me…she wanted marriage…and…and kids. I can’t…” A sigh. Oh the dramatics, “I couldn’t do that.” How in God’s name could he fix this? Callum’s eyes remained on her for a while, they stood in silence. Apparently staring her down wasn’t going to convince her. So…he decided to go with the old fashioned way…“I’m sorry…for not telling you.”
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Post by GOPI 1609 on Mar 26, 2009 17:39:19 GMT -5
slow it down, make it stop before my heart is going to pop • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • [/center] Her dark eyes never once left his as he moved, as he spoke and she replied,"Now you can't marry her...now you can't have kids with her," Gopi snorted in her mind and Gloria sat on her shoulder like a little instigater with a devilish grin on her lips,"I know you would have moved on and found someone else...That's not what bugs me."
Now she was speaking her mind, Gloria whispering the words into her ears,"It's the fact that I took you away from her. The fact that suddenly I'm going to be considered the other woman."
As she spoke, she moved closer to her at a normal human pace, her arms remaining crossed in front of her, her fingers grabbing onto the silky fabric tightly so that she felt like she was losing circulation-to control herself from lashing out at him...and from raising her voice higher than was necessary.
"It bothers me because I don't want to take away her happiness just like the Division took away mine."
At this statement, her eyes wavered and she turned her back to him and walked right out the door, heading for her bedroom. The door remained open as she went to her balcony and her fingers wrapped around the railing. She closed her eyes tightly, head down, as she took a deep breath and then exhaled. Relax. That was what she needed. To relax. She didn't need to get angry, she wanted to get angry. Filter out the difference between the two to make it all work out for the better.
Was that the real reaosn she was upset? Gopi had basically said, word for word, what Gloria whispered to her without any form of hesiation or even thinking about it. She was taking away Natasha's happiness. Both of them looked happy in the club before Gopi seemed to rain on their parade. She remembered the look Natasha gave ehr. Anger. Jealousy. Frustration. Embaressement....A terribly wounded pride. . . Heartache.
Who was she to take Callum away from her? She lvoed Callum, more than anything in the world. But Gopi's usual selfish behavior seemed overshadowed by Gloria's selfless behavior. Gopi would go right up to Natasha, tell her to go fuck herself, and then run right back into Callum's arms but Gloria would probably never confront Natasha and do everything she was doing right now. The feeling of hurting Natasha making her actually feel guilty.
status • complete word count • 603 lyrics • santa monica, theory of a dead man credit • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ caution
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Post by CALLUM RICE on Mar 26, 2009 21:33:18 GMT -5
DON’T BE SO AMAZING,
[/COLOR] I’LL MISS YOU TOO MUCH.[/COLOR][/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
Cal was speechless. What did she want him to say, what did she want from him? That same word…like so many others, repeated in his mind: fair. This wasn’t fair. Not in the least, not by a long shot. He shouldn’t have to lose her because of her death. And she shouldn’t have to sit by and watch them—him and Nat—be happy, get married, which they wouldn’t be, because of something that happened on a battlefield. The fates had dealt them a nasty hand. Life was cheating them. And by some supernatural turn of chance their lives had been turn upside down, right next to each other. Almost like someone was trying to shove it all in their face. What kind of sick high power got joy out of making their lives hell?
“But I didn’t…” His voice was barely audible, though he wasn’t aware her hearing was also improved through this freak surgery. Honestly, he hadn’t moved on. He’d accepted it, but he certainly never moved on. Moving on would imply that he’d been ok with it. Moving on would imply that he’d given it some thought and decided he really didn’t care, that it really didn’t hurt him. Or at least he wouldn’t let it. But she knew him. She knew him well. And he was the suffer in silence type. If she knew all the things he’d done…all the things he’d thought about doing to end all his misery…would she still be so adamant about making Nat happy? Probably not…
This was so like her. To set herself aside and think of someone else. Which was refreshing. Something left of Gloria. Purely, simply Gloria. And yet at the same time he wished more than anything that she wasn’t like this. Couldn’t she ever think of her own happiness? After all that had been taken from her she still had someone else in mind?
"It bothers me because I don't want to take away her happiness just like the Division took away mine."
He watched her turn, watched her leave and for minutes after she did his eyes remained on that space where she had stood. What…did she want him to do? What could he do? What words would get to her? Cal shifted, resting his forehead against the doorframe and closing his eyes. “Dammit,” he muttered slamming his fist lightly against the wall. He needed a solution and he needed it fast. Natasha might have been great but…what were the right words? Gloria was like life to him. She made all the bad go away. She settled his thoughts, calmed his heart, brought a real smile to his face. Sure Cal was awfully good at looking like he was happy. Where…he couldn’t be further from it. He needed her. Who the fuck cared what she thought? Frustration fueling his decision, he reached out, his t-shirt meeting his hand in moments, and he slipped it over his head before going on a search for her.
Of course, it didn’t take long. And the morning air was refreshing. He breathed deeply and resting his elbows and forearms down on the railing, not bothering to look up at her. He had one shot, as far as he saw it. One shot to make her rethink this. One more deep breath and his lips parted, “But…you’d be ok with taking away my happiness.”
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Post by GOPI 1609 on Mar 26, 2009 21:53:07 GMT -5
slow it down, make it stop before my heart is going to pop • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • [/center] She seemed to freeze when he mentioned his own happiness.
But you'd be okay with taking my happiness...
The petite gal looked up at him after a few moments of her eyes wavering over nothing in particular out in the yard. She looked at him as if she were studying his face, remaining silent as she thought his words over, chewing them thoroughly to figure how he came up with such a reply and how she should reply in return.
Gee looked away again and over at the large tree that sat in the back yard which they were looking out from. The branches were broad and thick, the tree sturdy and full of life. She reached out and plucked a cherry blossom from the tree. Her favorite flower. Or at least one of them. She used to have a tatoo of a cherry blossom on her lower back. Hell, she had a few tatoos and now she had none-minus the '1609' tatooed on the nape of her neck.
She held the flower in her hand as if it were something fragile and looked down at it, simply thinking. She figured the silence was killing him-you know..the whole suspense thing. But she was seriously thinking things over. Not only Gloria...but Gopi was as well. Like a team effort.
Finally, after the long silence, she opened her mouth to speak, not looking up at him, instead letting the wind sweep the flower out of her hand before she gently put her hand back on the railing, "No."
The two letter word that could mean so many bad things but so many good things as well. No, she did not want to take away his happiness. All she ever wanted was for him to be happy-whether that meant being with her or being without her.
She finally looked up at him, locking her dark orbs onto his,"I don't want to take away your happiness,but I don't want to take away her's either. In the end, though, I know someone will end up getting hurt." Whether that would be her, Natasha, or Callum was however fate decided to play it all out. Fate was holding them all on puppet strings...And it made Gopi upset thinking about being controlled. Sort of freked her out actually. And it freaked Gloria out two. That was one thing they had in common. Regardless, that was something to think about for another day.
"What do you want, Cal?" she said softly,"What will make you truly happy?"
It was a tough question, she knew. Yet she could answer that with a heartbeat and probably make an entire list if need be. Callum puzzled her sometimes, though. Even with this new technology she had where she could look up everything he had on government records. But Gloria was slowly covincing Gopi to be less selfish and more selfless. Gloria was consuming Gopi and in a way, it made everything else in this life all the more confusing. She was constantly having a war in her mind over whether she should forget the past, kill Callum, and go on doing every mission need be for the Division. But then, back to the topic of control, Gopi did not like to be controlled and finding a way to rebel would be perfect for her...
It was just so convenient that the best way to rebel against the division for fucking her up was by actually being with someone that made her happy.
status • complete word count • 760 lyrics • feel good ince, gorillaz credit • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ caution
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Post by CALLUM RICE on Mar 26, 2009 22:41:49 GMT -5
DON’T BE SO AMAZING,
[/COLOR] I’LL MISS YOU TOO MUCH.[/COLOR][/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
Well…she was right. This was one of those moments where he simply wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake an answer out of her. The silence was as terrible as the argument…if not worse. Why couldn’t she just…give in? Why couldn’t she just admit that she wanted to be with him. At this point he kinda figured there was no denying it. But, hey, what a twist to the story, right? She admits she never really liked him but was just in it for the sex…he wouldn’t be surprised. But, hey, hey, that was beside the point. Trying as hard as he could he patiently awaited her response assuming there was some inner war she was struggling with. She was, after all, basically two different people. Two different personalities. Two different sets of wants and needs. Cal just wanted Gloria. Forever. And all he could think right now was how much he wished Gopi was never even created. She was probably the one making this so difficult…Right?
He listened, hopefully, after she stated that no, she didn’t want to take away his happiness. But he knew that there was more to it. There had to be more to it. One word answers didn’t really happen with Gloria. Even if all she tacked on was ‘I don’t’. She never really just said a word and left it at that…unless she was pissed. And surprisingly she was holding out just fine. As was he…at least they were throwing things at eachother. Or…now, she wasn’t throwing him around. At least they were talking. Or trying to. At least they were…together, right? He couldn’t have asked for a better ending. Couldn’t he just be content with the fact that she wasn’t dead and move on? Hell, no. Natty could score any fish in the sea if she so chose. As…could Gloria. But the thing was he didn’t want her to find anyone else. Knowing that she had someone else would only torture him more.
“In the end, though, I know someone will end up getting hurt." His eyes closed as she voiced the words both of them knew but only she was wise enough to say out loud. That was an important part. But…it didn’t have to be that way did it? Couldn’t he just tell Nat that things weren’t working out? They both wanted different things from eachother? Not even mention Gloria? It would be a lie but it would change things. He’d have Glory all to himself for...as long as both of them lived. And Natasha could eventually find someone who shared her same interests. There was bound to be someone out there. Cal was one of those guys who believed in the perfect match for everyone. And he knew he wasn’t Natasha’s. There was some poor sap out there just sitting around on his ass waiting for her. Where as Gloria and Callum had a shot, they couldn’t throw that away could they?
“But why the fuck does it have to be you…” He let the words linger in mid-air, not even looking at her. They didn’t sound angry, they sounded frustrated, exasperated, confused. He didn’t get why she couldn’t give in for something as big as love. As big as Cal and her were. That was just not something you gave up for someone else’s happiness. It was something you fought for with your life.
"What will make you truly happy?"
Now he looked at her, his head turning slowly, before he stood up and turned, leaning back against the railing, palms downward on the support. His eyes remained on her for the longest time before he spoke up, “I want you.” He stated, plainly. It was the honest to God truth. But he decided to turn the question around on her, make her think more about what she was putting at stake. “Now stop thinking about that, you know what I want, you know what the whole fucking world wants. Gloria…” He turned and took her face in both of his hands, staring down hard into those deep, dark eyes, “Baby, what do you want. What, for once, will make you truly happy?” He hoped to God she’d take that seriously, she wouldn’t shake it off and say the trademark phrase: ‘it doesn’t matter what I want’.
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Post by GOPI 1609 on Mar 28, 2009 20:34:25 GMT -5
slow it down, make it stop before my heart is going to pop • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • [/center] Gee's eyes wavered as she looked up at him, as if she wanted to look away but Gopi wouldn't let her. In this situation, Gloria really was the coward.
"You," she whispered, barely audible even to her own ears. The only way someone could tell was by reading her lips. She bit her lower lip as she simply looked up at him,"And I want to be me again...Not this thing that can hurt you so easily...I'm afraid to touch you...."
Yes, it took an immense amount of energy for her to control herself around him, just like it took an immense amount of effort and energy when she was working: so she wouldn't break her camera, so she wouldn't end up killing the models-or the landscape that she would photograph....It was hard but she was slowly getting better at it.
"I love you, Callum Rice," this time her voice was a little louder,"But if you are with her...you shouldn't have cheated on her..." Gee did think it was partly her fault, since it did take two people to make love, right?
Make love. Sex. They were so different. Sex was all about just humping like animals, not thinking of the consequences, all in the moment. There were no feelings except the mutual feeling of lust. Meanwhile with making love...
There was that mutual feeling of love...of lust...of bliss....of happiness. This...weird yet exciting feeling of being united into one, clinging to each other like the other person was all you had left and you would have no idea what you would do if you lost them...
Love. It was such a dangerous, beautiful, disasterous, crazy, exciting, nervous, charming, amazing, breath taking feeling. Like...it was simply indescribable. And yet if she could give it a definition, she would say it was the way Callum smiled when he was waking up after a good night's rest. She would say it was the way he would yell at her in an arguement. She would say it was the way he would say those little things that would brighten up her entire day. She would say it was the way he would move her hair out of her face to see her eyes, the way he would hold her face in his, the way he would hug her if she cried and told her everything was going to be alright, the way he loved her and could show it so easily and without any form of embaressment....
She would say love, in her personal dictionary, would say Callum.
And the next word would be happy...with the same definition. Callum was everything to her. She knew if he ended up with Natasha...She would simply go back to being an android. status • complete word count • 634 lyrics • beautiful disaster, kelly clarkson credit • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ caution
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Post by CALLUM RICE on Mar 29, 2009 0:04:04 GMT -5
DON’T BE SO AMAZING,
[/COLOR] I’LL MISS YOU TOO MUCH.[/COLOR][/FONT] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
This was true, it was a scary thought, that every time she touched him he’d end up with these bruises. Though they caused him little to no pain, they didn’t exactly look attractive. But who was he trying to look attractive to? Absfuckinglutley no one. No one but Gloria. And she didn’t seem the least bit concerned, blaming herself for what she’d done rather than focusing on the actual fact that she looked like she was talking to a corpse. But she also didn’t understand—or at least didn’t want to accept—that Callum didn’t care. In fact, he could care less. What the hell did all those people out there mean to him anyway? The only person he’d really have to answer to was Natasha. And as far as he could see it, or as far as he wanted to see it, he wouldn’t have to answer to her for much longer. He wasn’t going to cut Gloria out of the picture if he didn’t have to. Natty was just a girl.
“Don’t be,” he laughed light-heartedly and looked her straight in the eye, “Didn’t I tell you last night that I can take a beating? Plus,” he pressed a couple fingers against one of the bruises, wincing only lightly before the pain simply eased on away, “It doesn’t really hurt…at all.” This he could get used to. Like so much he’d gotten used to. He’d gotten used to her being gone, found a way to deal with it. He’d gotten used to life without his father, figure out a way to live on his own. He’d gotten used to the fact that he’d killed a girl, finding a way around the punishment. Callum Rice was a mastermind for solutions. He’d made his way out of or around so much lately…who’s to say that they couldn’t make their way out of this? They could figure it out. Couldn’t they?
"I love you, Callum Rice. But if you are with her...you shouldn't have cheated on her..."
He dropped his arms to his sides and watched her for a moment, thinking, calculating. What could he say that she couldn’t come back at with some comment about how she couldn’t do that, or he couldn’t do this? With a sigh of resignation he resorted to what any other teenage boy would do, “She’s just a girl Gloria.” That would probably tick her off. She’d probably come up with some response automatically placed in every girls mind that somehow relates back to them. They always did that. They always thought that well, if the guy thinks this about this girl then he’ll obviously think the same about me. But…wasn’t it obvious with Cal? He’d had all of two or three girlfriends in his life. And he’d been with Gloria the longest. One he’d killed. Mull that one over for a moment or two. That’s right. There was no way he’d be saying the same about her any time soon. Or…ever.
“She’ll move on, she’ll find someone else, I promise. But…will you?” There was no way in hell Callum would ever let any other guy touch her. Not like he did. Not in a friendly-intimate way. Not…ever. She was his. What basis he had to set that off of he wasn’t sure, but he knew she was his. She was meant to be. She had to feel that...it was obvious. Why else would they have found each other after her death? And then…why would she be magically placed in Venice Beach? There had to be a significance to all of it. Natasha didn’t matter. But…there were only so many times he could be think and say that. It almost felt like they were running around in circles now, “I don’t know what fucking else to say to you.” he turned back around and looked out into her backyard, before backyard somehow linked with children which linked with natty which linked with the little buzzer in the back of his head. Time’s up. “I should go.” Here he was talking about how she didn’t matter…and yet he was so worried about what she thought? Make up your mind Cal!
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Post by GOPI 1609 on Mar 29, 2009 0:19:48 GMT -5
slow it down, make it stop before my heart is going to pop • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • [/center] Gee didn't answer automatically, simply remained silent. She knew she wasn't like Natasha. She knew she wasn't like the other girls...At least, that was what she thought until he said I should go.
The tiny brunette looked at him in almost disbelief before simply running her tonuge over her teeth and walking right off the balcony and out of the room. As she walked, she glanced over her thin shoulder,"She's just a girl, right?"
She walked down the stairs and towards the front door, opening it for him,"If she was just a girl you wouldn't have to give her an explanation. A simple phone call would be enough."
She knew she made her point. If she was just some other gal, this would be easy for him. But she wasn't. She couldn't be. She didn't expect her to be.
"You're right," she stated simply,"You should go," she didn't look directly at him as she held the door open for him to leave. She had stuff to do anyways...Like talk to Ollie, Ellie, and Bobbie-but mostly Ollie since he was the one she was closest with out of all the trackers. She also had her actual day job to make her look human. So she might as well get started on that too. Plus, she'd have to clean that room upstairs and she needed to go grocery shopping because there was barely any food left, she had been eating out for the past couple of days.
And he had Natasha to run back to. She understood if he had feelings for her. After practically a year, how couldn't he? Then what was bothering Gopi so much about it all?
"The fact that he said she was just some girl...when she isn't. He may not love her like he loves you but she is still a part of his life now." Gloria seemed to answer for her. It seemed like Gopi was becoming less menacing the more she was around Callum....As if she was falling for Cal like Gloria had in the begining.
status • complete word count • 522 lyrics • just friends, amy winehouse credit • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ caution
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